Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
