Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
