Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
