I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
