I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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