You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
