Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
