before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
