Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are the jesus of drinking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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