Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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