haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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