I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
