She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
