I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
