Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
