but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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