I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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