Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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