Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
