theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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