Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
