apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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