There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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