It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
