summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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