if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
