I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
