Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
