Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
