Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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