im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
