when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
