I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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