I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's blow job season.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
