I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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