ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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