We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
