i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
True strength comes from lack of pants
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
