I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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