DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
