Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
