so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
