i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
