Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
