We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I could make wine with my vomit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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