i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
