so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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