good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
