Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
