the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
